About Me

One of my first realizations on my spiritual path was that I am not my memories.

It seems to be common human practice to identify oneself with one's memories. After all, we did have those experiences, didn't we? This, however, opens the conjecture, "Didn't these experiences happen in the past, and isn't the past an illusion [in contrast with the Eternal Now]?" Of course, they are illusions; we can never really live in the past anymore than we can live in the future. So, I cannot really be the memories of this body.

Who or What I Am

I am not my image. In a materialist society that places value upon our "looks" (that includes our weight, clothes, smell, car, house, family, job), we are constantly judged by the image we project. We are also encouraged to judge others. I might add that our image is, in many ways, a reflection of our ego. We bow to the gods of Image. 

I am not my physical, emotional, or mental bodies. These are tough ones. If I get an ouchie on my finger, or if someone treats me badly hurts my feelings - or if I am bugged by stupid thoughts, in that moment it is difficult to say, "I am not this," because I am suffering. However, I am cultivating a generalized awareness that I am not the feelings of this vehicle. This provides a space in my consciousness where I can go during these moments of illusion. When there, I am "The Watcher," experiencing a form of transcendence: I know I am not that which suffers.(I am not the sufferer.)

You want know more ? O.k.

I am not my beliefs. In these days of accelerated change, to identify oneself with one's belief is to beg to suffer.

I am not my actions. I know that I often act unconsciously. By being in human form, I am plugged in at a very basic level to the mass unconscious of humanity. This requires me to play out certain dramatic scenarios. Again, as The Watcher, I am not my actions.

I am not my ideas. This mental body has a propensity to create many kinds of models; however, I am not attached to them. As The Watcher, the Mind Stream simply flows along.

I am not what I eat. Food is the fuel to make this vehicle run. I assume Spirit will direct me to eat properly.

I am not my reactions to other being's actions. As The Watcher, I observe my reactions (and theirs), saying, "Very interesting...."

I am not my sexual drive, nor my drive to protect my space, nor my desire to "be on top" of the pecking order, nor my desire to survive. These are instincts of the body which I respect.

As I continue to experience different aspects of my wholeness, which now includes my humanness, I am having the experience of transcending many of these things that I am not.

For those who wish to know me thoroughly

I am not my race. The divisions that race differences cause - racism - can be quite ugly.

I am not my religion. One of the most absurd actions is when someone kills or discriminates another because of their religion. The logic is: "You are deluded and are my enemy because God says you're wrong." I don't think so. Actually, it is religious dogma that creates "enemy consciousness," by claiming to know how God feels about the situation.

I am not my class. Class discrimination is usually subtle, at least in the society that it is at work in. I saw this form of separation take place between two beings from Bali in Indonesia, my second home, where class takes on a religious nature in the form of a caste system.

I am not my ego. The ego thinks it is the center of the universe; of course, it is not. It is an illusory shadow. To be able to transcend this identity crisis is a great relief.

I am not my judgments. When we judge somebody, we first go into separation and punish the guilty party, and then we punish ourselves, if we are conscious of our "bad" actions. That I learned from a friend who was a judge. He knew exactly, what he spoke about - because he did it once himself self more often than the most: it simply was his profession…

I am not my stupidities, mistakes, and idiosyncrasies. This covers a multitude of sins. Once I can detach myself from stupidities and mistakes, I can forgive myself for them; consequently, I can forgive others. Yeah, I am not my sins and I am not "what is wrong" with me.

So where is my responsibility?

"Taking responsibility for our actions" is a good principle: it takes away the excuse that we are somehow victims. On the other hand, where does The Force of Evolution fit in? Isn't it true that we are all in the hands of our spirit? I think that once we have gotten out from beneath the illusion of being victims, we can safely turn over responsibility for our lives to spirit. (Some approaches simply say, "Give yourself to God, and you won't be a victim anymore.)

Legally, ethically, and morally, I take responsibility for my actions. I do not believe, however, that spirit would guide me to do anything outside my integrity as a master unless the action, in some way, served the Divine Mission of co-creating Heaven on Earth with other masters.

So who or what I am?

By the process of elimination, it looks like just The Watcher is left. 

As a ground crew, I have had a variety of different consciousnesses utilize me. Although all of them did not experiment with The Watcher model, those which did have allowed me to make certain observations about the qualities of Watchers in general.

First, all of them are peaceful. Second, they are not judgmental; they are allowing and loving. Third, they are not personal; they are transpersonal. Fourth, they are not subject to suffering. Fifth, I could say that they are centered, but that would fall short; they are The Center.

Yet, each Watcher has its own unique way of expressing these qualities (peace, allowance, transpersonality).

The Watcher - Divine?

Although I have never considered this before, I imagine that The Watcher is my and our Essence, our Divine aspect, peering into form from its Formless state. It is the thread that runs through the multitude of our incarnations, weaving a diverse, multidimensional pattern of identities and forms.

I am this: a unique point of consciousness that sends its Light forth into this universe.

So what?

All of this adds up to living a life in which my consciousness resides in a place where I can accept everyone for everything; it is the unconditional love space. Of course, there are still a lot of places within this body, mind and emotions that still have trigger points; push them, and I go 3- or 4-dimensions. If I am lucky (a higher-dimensional perception), the universe will allow me to spot the hallucination and I will say, "Ah ha! Another 'not!'"

I do not practice this in order to become enlightened; my Essence *is* Light - to strive to become what I already truly am implies that I am not. In terms of The Mission (of co-creating Heaven on Earth with other masters), I do this so that I can be a more effective vehicle for the Force of Evolution. The less walls I have up, the greater my chance to serve this Force purely. Some may say that this is idealism. An ideal is a picture of reality that we use to compensate for some perceived lack in the present; it gives us something to shoot for when we are out of touch with True Reality.

Conclusion

As you have seen there are many things I am not. I imagine that what I really am is rather simple, maybe as simple as the day is long...